As we enter the middle of July this week, many of us feel as though the summer days are ending quickly and we are nearing fall. In this season, I hold so many thoughts of the coming fall and what it means for me to fully engage in the aspects of life that nourish the parts of my identity. However, I sit and write this feeling heavily daunted by what is to come for me as the summer ends. There are many people who reflect on their graduation and articulate how the post-grad blues grasp them before even realizing what they had accomplished. As for me, I reflect not with sadness that undergrad had concluded, rather the opposite. As an incoming freshman in 2017, I was able to experience life in Washington, DC. The waning visibility of Chocolate City was steadfast and as a Black woman at a PWI, I was at the helm of experiencing all the beauty and lessons (even the ones I did not want to learn) that my new environment had prepared for me.
Regardless of how quickly it went, I was able to walk this May and despite my family not being able to see me because of the COVID-19 restrictions I had finally been at peace with my time as a student. The pandemic had separated me from my friends like so many others, so the love and moments of reflection during my trip with the women I had entered with was an incandescent highlight of 2021. I think as time passes during post-grad life, that is when I fully comprehended the “life lessons” college teaches. Upon graduating and after those first few months of sitting with my thoughts and understanding the parts of my identity that I chose not to express, I realized the degree of transparency I had with myself and how that translated into the concealed facets of my character that so many had been introduced and grown accustomed to-this Hela. But as I see myself now, I have realized that it is the most gratifying thing life offers: to see your authenticity and how the new faces that enter your life embrace you and how the old faces bask in your growth.
A crucial part of coming into myself post-grad was understanding what I wanted to truly do with my time here. I had refused to think of myself as a creative, hesitant to put any thoughts I had onto paper so instead, I just put my thoughts into conversations, through class discussions and my academic papers. I was hopeful, that those efforts would satisfy my dreams and thoughts of creating but as I graduated I was consumed with why I was neglecting myself. I look forward to telling my story years from now, a story of how I did it and what the process looked like. As I am living the process now, I find liberation in knowing I am not sleeping anymore on the life I have always wanted for myself.